The Zoolander returns: 

It has been quite some time since the Zoolander has put pen to paper so I thought it may be time to return to the keyboard and regale the madding throng aka Tri-Alliance athletes with the wisdom and musing of “The Zoolander”.

It is important that all new Tri Alliance athletes understand the importance of our training programs and what is required to be your best on race days, particularly as we enter the latter part of the racing season. So it is obviously time to introduce the newbies and remind the old hands of “The Zoolander” philosophy – “TRIATHLON – IT’S ALL ABOUT THE PHOTO”. Don’t laugh it’s true, how many of you have trawled through thousands of race day photos just to get a glimpse of yourself  and be disappointed because the photo just isn’t quite right. Or you have mucked up your transition and it’s on video for the world to see.


If you follow “The Zoolander” guide your chances of improving your race day photo image are certain to improve. Alas for the true triathlon aficionado the Melbourne summer has not been kind this year and those wonderful Aussie tans have not reached the bronzed hue that we are so accustomed to. Don’t believe that media hype – “there’s nothing good about a tan”, let me tell you “there is nothing good about a lily white triathlete either”. So what do you do, how do you achieve that fine balance, relax, there are plenty of new products on the market that can assist, I have detailed one of my favourites for you to consider – Napoleon Perdis Whipped Dream Tan Enhancer  – This is a lovely colour, especially for fair skin and it goes on beautifully and doesn’t sweat off. It blends in your existing fake tan and any blemishes you have and has a lovely light sheen and creates a lovely healthy glow on your skin.

Once you have sorted out your skin colouring, the next step is to make sure you are looking your best during the race. Here the pre race warm up is extremely important, you need to scour the course for the race photographers and make sure you know where they are so you can prepare yourself for the ultimate action photo. Once this is done here are a few tips for your race, there is not much you can do about the swim photo, goggle eyes are most unbecoming, so leave your goggles and swim cap on so you are unrecognisable at this photo point.

On the bike make sure you are down on your tri bars or drops and squeeze hard on your hold points, this has the effect of putting your biceps in a stressed position and they will look bigger than they are, for the ladies this will also help to tense the triceps and avoid any unsightly tuck shop arm photo. There are generally two photo points on the bike so make sure you are prepared for both snaps.

The next photo opportunity is the run and finish line, again two photo points are generally the rule, one on the run course and at the finish. If you slap your biceps really hard a couple of times before you reach the photographer then you are sure to have them pumped and looking good, don’t forget to suck that gut in and run tall. Men, do not, I repeat do not get caught in the

run photo with your zip down, this is not an attractive look and no matter how hard you have worked on your abs (Daryl) a half undone race suit makes for a half assed photo.

Finally, as the finish line approaches all the same rules apply, gut in, run tall, biceps pumped, look like you’re busting your gut and smile, fist pump the air, raise your arms in triumph, do whatever it takes to make that finish line photo sensational and Men, do the zip up.

Until next time…. Zoolander….

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